Life Law #1: You either get it or you don't.Strategy: Become one of those who gets it.It's easy to tell these people apart. Those who"get it" understand how things work and have astrategy to create the results they want. Thosewho don't are stumbling along looking puzzled, andcan be found complaining that they never seem toget a break.You must do what it takes to accumulate enoughknowledge to "get it." You need to operate withthe information and skills that are necessary towin. Be prepared, tune in, find out how the gameis played and play by the rules.In designing a strategy and getting theinformation you need — about yourself, people youencounter, or situations — be careful from whomyou accept input. Wrong thinking andmisinformation can seal your fate before you evenbegin.
Life Law #2: You create your own experience.Strategy: Acknowledge and accept accountabilityfor your life. Understand your role in creatingresults.You cannot dodge responsibility for how and whyyour life is the way it is. If you don't like yourjob, you are accountable. If you are overweight,you are accountable. If you are not happy, you areaccountable. You are creating the situations youare in and the emotions that flow from thosesituations.Don't play the role of victim, or use past eventsto build excuses. It guarantees you no progress,no healing, and no victory. You will never fix aproblem by blaming someone else. Whether the cardsyou've been dealt are good or bad, you're incharge of yourself now.Every choice you make — including the thoughts youthink — has consequences. When you choose thebehavior or thought, you choose the consequences.If you choose to stay with a destructive partner,then you choose the consequences of pain andsuffering. If you choose thoughts contaminatedwith anger and bitterness, then you will create anexperience of alienation and hostility. When youstart choosing the right behavior and thoughts —which will take a lot of discipline — you'll getthe right consequences.
Life Law #3: People do what works.Strategy: Identify the payoffs that drive yourbehavior and that of others.Even the most destructive behaviors have a payoff.If you did not perceive the behavior in questionto generate some value to you, you would not doit. If you want to stop behaving in a certain way,you've got to stop "paying yourself off" for doing it.Find and control the payoffs, because you can'tstop a behavior until you recognize what you aregaining from it. Payoffs can be as simple as moneygained by going to work to psychological payoffsof acceptance, approval, praise, love orcompanionship. It is possible that you are feedingoff unhealthy, addictive and imprisoning payoffs,such as self-punishment or distorted self-importance.Be alert to the possibility that your behavior iscontrolled by fear of rejection. It's easier notto change. Try something new or put yourself onthe line. Also consider if your need for immediategratification creates an appetite for a smallpayoff now rather than a large payoff later.
Life Law #4: You cannot change what you do notacknowledge.Strategy: Get real with yourself about life andeverybody in it. Be truthful about what isn'tworking in your life. Stop making excuses andstart making results.If you're unwilling or unable to identify andconsciously acknowledge your negative behaviors,characteristics or life patterns, then you willnot change them. (In fact, they will only growworse and become more entrenched in your life.)You've got to face it to replace it.Acknowledgment means slapping yourself in the facewith the brutal reality, admitting that you aregetting payoffs for what you are doing, and givingyourself a no-kidding, bottom-line truthfulconfrontation. You cannot afford the luxury oflies, denial or defensiveness.Where are you now? If you hope to have a winninglife strategy, you have to be honest about whereyour life is right now. Your life is not too badto fix and it's not too late to fix it. But behonest about what needs fixing. If you lie toyourself about any dimension of your life, anotherwise sound strategy will be compromised.
Life Law #5: Life rewards action.Strategy: Make careful decisions and then pull thetrigger. Learn that the world couldn't care lessabout thoughts without actions.Talk is cheap. It's what you do that determinesthe script of your life. Translate your insights,understandings and awareness into purposeful,meaningful, constructive actions. They are of novalue until then. Measure yourself and othersbased on results — not intentions or words.Use any pain you have to propel you out of thesituation you are in and to get you where you wantto be. The same pain that burdens you now could beturned to your advantage. It may be the verymotivation you need to change your life.Decide that you are worth the risk of takingaction, and that your dreams are not to be soldout. Know that putting yourself at risk may bescary, but it will be worth it. You must leavebehind the comfortable and familiar if you are tomove onward and upward.
Life Law #6: There is no reality, only perception.Strategy: Identify the filters through which youview the world. Acknowledge your history withoutbeing controlled by it.You know and experience this world only throughthe perceptions that you create. You have theability to choose how you perceive any event inyour life, and you exercise this power of choicein every circumstance, every day of your life. Nomatter what the situation, you choose yourreaction, assigning meaning and value to an event.We all view the world through individual filters,which influence the interpretations we giveevents, how we respond, and how we are respondedto. Be aware of the factors that influence the wayyou see the world, so you can compensate for themand react against them. If you continue to viewthe world through a filter created by past events,then you are allowing your past to control anddictate both your present and your future.Filters are made up of fixed beliefs, negativeideas that have become entrenched in yourthinking. They are dangerous because if you treatthem as fact, you will not seek, receive orprocess new information, which undermines yourplans for change. If you "shake up" your beliefsystem by challenging these views and testingtheir validity, the freshness of your perspectivecan be startling.
Life Law #7: Life is managed; it is not cured.Strategy: Learn to take charge of your life andhold on. This is a long ride, and you are thedriver every single day.You are a life manager, and your objective is toactively manage your life in a way that generateshigh-quality results. You are your own mostimportant resource for making your life work.Success is a moving target that must be trackedand continually pursued.Effective life management means you need torequire more of yourself in your grooming,self-control, emotional management, interactionwith others, work performance, dealing with fear,and in every other category you can think of. Youmust approach this task with the most intensecommitment, direction and urgency you can muster.The key to managing your life is to have astrategy. If you have a clear-cut plan, and thecourage, commitment and energy to execute thatstrategy, you can flourish. If you don't have aplan, you'll be a stepping stone for those who do.You can also help yourself as a life manager ifyou manage your expectations. If you don't requiremuch of yourself, your life will be of poorquality. If you have unrealistic standards, thenyou are adding to your difficulties.
Life Law #8: We teach people how to treat us.Strategy: Own, rather than complain about, howpeople treat you. Learn to renegotiate yourrelationships to have what you want.You either teach people to treat you with dignityand respect, or you don't. This means you arepartly responsible for the mistreatment that youget at the hands of someone else. You shapeothers' behavior when you teach them what they canget away with and what they cannot.If the people in your life treat you in anundesirable way, figure out what you are doing toreinforce, elicit or allow that treatment.Identify the payoffs you may be giving someone inresponse to any negative behavior. For example,when people are aggressive, bossy or controlling —and then get their way — you have rewarded themfor unacceptable behavior.Because you are accountable, you can declare therelationship "reopened for negotiation" at anytime you choose, and for as long as you choose.Even a pattern of relating that is 30 years oldcan be redefined. Before you reopen thenegotiation, you must commit to do so from aposition of strength and power, not fear andself-doubt.
Life Law #9: There is power in forgiveness.Strategy: Open your eyes to what anger andresentment are doing to you. Take your power backfrom those who have hurt you.Hate, anger and resentment are destructive, eatingaway at the heart and soul of the person whocarries them. They are absolutely incompatiblewith your own peace, joy and relaxation. Uglyemotions change who you are and contaminate everyrelationship you have. They can also take aphysical toll on your body, including sleepdisturbance, headaches, back spasms, and evenheart attacks.Forgiveness sets you free from the bonds ofhatred, anger and resentment. The only way to riseabove the negatives of a relationship in which youwere hurt is to take the moral high ground, andforgive the person who hurt you.Forgiveness is not about another person who hastransgressed against you; it is about you.Forgiveness is about doing whatever it takes topreserve the power to create your own emotionalstate. It is a gift to yourself and it frees you.You don't have to have the other person'scooperation, and they do not have to be sorry oradmit the error of their ways. Do it for yourself.
Life Law #10: You have to name it before you canclaim it.Strategy: Get clear about what you want and takeyour turn.Not knowing what you want — from your major lifegoals to your day-to-day desires — is not OK. Themost you'll ever get is what you ask for. If youdon't even know what it is that you want, then youcan't even ask for it. You also won't even know ifyou get there!By being specific in defining your goal, thechoices you make along the way will be moregoal-directed. You will recognize which behaviorsand choices support your goals — and which do not.You will know when you are heading toward yourgoal, and when you are off track.Be bold enough to reach for what will truly fillyou up, without being unrealistic. Once you havethe strength and resolve enough to believe thatyou deserve what it is that you want, then andonly then will you be bold enough to step up andclaim it. Remember that if you don't, someone elsewill.
