we do not see things as they are; we see things as we are.


Thoughts, Ideas, Experiences and Emotions from Quandaries of the Author

Saturday, March 31, 2007

Night Out

yes indeed, things are different at night!

even before i love walking outside at nights here at laguna, ofcourse with friends, i love strolling places common to me at day, seeing it at night gives me chill, creep and fascination, silence in every corner... well few chirps from crickets and barks of some stray dogs, but that was it... i enjoy wlking with friends at night cause aside from having some quality time talking, you learned and know more a person when youre talking all by yourselves and without any distractions additoin to eat the fresh air that slides to your cheeks.

lately after night outs with friends in manila, i find myself walking in the streets of pasay, taft ave., boni and so on, things here are more different, well aside from less vehicles and people, you see the life at night, people at night! scavengers scavenging for foods, whore looking for customers, yuppies taking a zip of coffee, rich teenegers in bars... i see people from different walks of life...

i can't help myself but to ask, is this the reality i'm living with? while some people waste some money on vices, excessive luxuries, there are people who lives by having the rich people's left overs and unwanted things...

will i be one of them? rich? poor? or if i'm gonna be lucky with my life, will am i gonna help the poor? i don't know...

though i'm a morning person, my brain and body function well and enthusiastically early in the morning, for me... i can only see the true color of life at night,

when many are asleep...

and the others...?

having the life they have!


few days ago, i'm with Happy, we spent time together, doing things together, i feel comfortable and contented whenever i'm with him.

i was a little surprise with his reaction to things, people and scenarios with me that day.

i feel so important and cared, maybe i'm assuming so much, but my feelings towards him... i'm somehow attracted and attached, but not yet in-love, maybe, i hope so.

meaner or numb?

am i meaner now? too numb? i don't know..., sometimes i'm also wondering why my reaction to situation now is somehow different than i used to.

before, whenever i don't like what's happening around me, i easily react... impulsive... maybe, but i'm just saying that there is something i don't like or i feel uncomfrotable.

and now, i keep silent, letting things go by as what others want it... though sometimes i still react immidiately but not as frequent as before.

i don't know if it is a sign of maturity that i take time and think first before doing or saying something, or it's just that i'm sick and tired or reacting to something i don't know if worthy of my effort, and sometime leaving me i uncertainty position.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007


to keep silent will keep peace on my mind.

i don't need to explain myself...

even people put stains on my name

it doesn't bothers me

because i know that many people knows me better

and i can't please everyone to like me,

also, i am protecting someone.



-gleeful, jovial, glad, joyous, happy, cheerful, sprightly, blithe, airy, light-hearted; vivacious, frolicsome, sportive, hilarious. Jolly, joyful, merry describe a happy or light-hearted mood. Gay suggests a lightness of heart or liveliness of mood that is openly manifested: when hearts were young and gay. Jolly indicates a good-humored, natural, expansive gaiety of mood or disposition: a jolly crowd at a party. Joyful suggests gladness, happiness, rejoicing: joyful over the good news. Merry is often interchangeable with gay: a merry disposition; a merry party; it suggests, even more than the latter, convivial animated enjoyment. brilliant.

-a homosexual person, esp. a male.


does Gay people feels what they were called?

being Gay is a full of fun and colors but with a narrow minded environment??? who can describe my dissapointments in life, my sorrow in my triumphs, my heart aches with different people?


for me, being Gay is not positive as the term being used, being Gay here in the Philippines is full of sadness and discrimination.

were not jut for fun...

were also human...

friends come and go

years from now, what is the assurance that the relationship we built with our friends won't be damaged by the time?just like now, a year, 2, 3 even 4 years ago we used to have a friend that no longer today, due to several factors, miscommunication, misunderstanding and most of all changes.
we loose a friend when we loose communication, it is important to a relationship to have a communication to understand each other and to know what is happening to each and everyone.
if we got ourself into a trouble, fight or argument, our friends stands behind of us, some do the talking for us, some makes us strong by their presence and support without talking, some discourage us to get into trouble, but what if we had a misunderstanding with our own friend/s? lucky if both are open minded and eaten their pride to clear up the misunderstanding, but to those who are narrow minded, no friends can step on their pride, pitty for them.
as an individual we need to grow, but what if our friends didn't? or were the who didn't?a relationship is a give and take process, we neutralize our personality and characteristics to blend with others, and they do as well to blend with us, but what if one refuses? how long can you tolerate their selfishness? and sometimes it's better to leave them for them learn.
and what the biggest factor?
why? cause if we let things happen, contiously and uncontiously we wanted it to happen.

Monday, March 26, 2007



mu·tu·al (myoo-choo-uhl)
1.possessed, experienced, performed, etc., by each of two or more with respect to the other; reciprocal: to have mutual respect.
2.having the same relation each toward the other: to be mutual enemies.
3.of or pertaining to each of two or more; held in common; shared: mutual interests.


If you have a mutual feelings with a friend... does this mean you can connote it of being romantically attached to these friend of yours?

does it literally means that youre into each other? but having the same interest and enthusiam doesn't mean that you are romantically attached... well, attached alone might be, but with romance in the air? nah... i don't think so!

in reality we think that it's a cliche for a 2 close person sharing same interest to be always perceive as lovers... specially when we don't know them... but we tend to forget the word and feeling of mutual.

Artista Search... Talent or Popularity contest?

starstruck the next level
last night was the final judgement of starstrcuk season 4. Mart Escudero and Kris Bernal won the Ultimate Loveteam title,
which i personally think that during the last 2 weeks of the show it is somehow plotted because of how they emphasize the
first choice of Aljur Aberenica though he is the best pick and personal choice as well of Kris to share the title of Ultimate
loveteam, among the 3 boys, he is the rightful one to have the title Ultimate hunk which he bagged later on, and that makes
Mart the second choice, sori to Prince Estefan, obviously he lacks of charisma, but what surprises me is that Jewel Mishce
won the ultimate sweetheart instead of Rich Asuncion, being tagged as a chamelon for versatilty was left as the 1st princess
only, Rich was been voted out already but she rejoined the survivors because for the second time she had proven her versatile
talent and glamourous look, addition to it was the txt votes of Boholanos. Jewel is pretty, damn pretty! but talent wise, yes
she have but still lacking of it but what makes her stay on the search was the humongous txt votes that flushed out the votes
of Rich.

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Thursday, March 22, 2007


why is it easy for us to give advce to other,while we, when we are on the same situtation,we can't help ourself...
my conclusion to that is because when people asks for our advice, we just put ourself into the situation and do what we should do and what is rightful to do, while when we are the one whose on the actual situation, our mind gets cluttered and bothered.
my point is when we just put ourselves but not in actual situtation, our minds can function well, cause all we can think is how to create a solution, we think of what is rightful to do. but if were having a problem, things get deranged, our minds process not only the solution but we are also bothered of whatever the come out will be, how, when and where is the right timing of resolving it and of course we tend to be emotionally attached to the scenario, that's why we can't think properly.

An Open Letter For Happy

two months ago, we don't even talk to each other,

a complete strangers to one and another.

but last month, in just one night of being together we became friends, close friends,

exactly seven days, we play and giggle like kids on a playground,

i enjoyed and will forever cherish every moment we had, we got comfortable with each other easily,

too comfortable that on the 8th day, it made us do something that created so many questions in my head;

why did you do that?

why did i do that?

why did you allow me to do that?

why did i allow you to do that?

and many more whys...

i thought everything will just end there at that moment,

but as we keep on seeing each other,though the exact action didn't happened anymore,

the words continued to utter from our mouth and evrything keeps on playing on our minds,

provocative and tempting but i chose to hinder myself from doing it,i kept myself from holding it for one week,

i heard so many things about your doings... before, after and even while we are somewhere outhere,

but i accepted it and i stand to it for a week,

but because of so too many things i heard and because of the presence of the annoying people,

despite of the acceptance i had just made, it turned into a despice and scrutiny...

after a month long of unexpected things that happened to us,

i felt that i am getting attached to you, that moment, i believe i had fallen already for you...

i love the way you talk to me

i love the way you touch me

i love the way you look at me

i love the way you caress me

as i hurted you and i admitted it and asked for your forgiveness,

still it took for a week before you have forgiven me,

it made me think twice, and as i go over to everything, i realized...

it was just an infatuation!

we then see each other again, for two weeks of doing it, i learned to observe,

people talks about us, about the real score between us!

they believe that i am in-love with you, and admit it or not,

you, as well thinks of it,

and i'm not stupid to not feel, see and hear it,

yes, i'm attached to you, maybe because

i enjoy talking to you

i am comfortable being with you

i like your personalityi can relate to your personal problem

i love you making fool out of me

and it makes me feel bad!

definitely not romantically attached!

i know even before that you can't build a relationship with me,

i am completely aware of it,

i am also aware that your just to sweet and affectionate to your friends,

too much enough to make them fall for you,

honestly, for quite some time i thought of it also, thinking of maybe you like me, maybe it's just that your not yet sure or you just want the feeling of it and no benfits nor commitment

but what makes me awake of reality is because i know you, i know you can't and don't

but what hurts me now...

you make me feel that i don't have the right to feel bad about you

you make me feel that you can live without me and i can't without you.

and what makes it worst?

your friends are enjoying our show...

i love you my firend

please be sensitive to what i feel...

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Keep Holding On

Keep Holding On, it is what i'm trying to do this past few days, some of you knows what i've been through this last 4 weeks, it's like a month long teledrama, you can't miss the story for today for you will get lost for tomorrow's and everyweek offers a different chapter, connected and has a fast transition.

now, i believe that i move on... i hope so... i guess...

enough of flirting and flings... (KEEP HOLDING ON) for now...

i've been into relationship since i was in 2nd yr HS, both serious and not.

recently... i was fed up of committing my self into serious relationships... and then... i decided to lighten up and play a little... i enjoyed everything i've done... so... i played... a lot... as in too much...

i became a player in a short span of time... i accepted the consequence... consequence of being called a STUPID and WHORE... i was happy at first but when i saw the people i've hurt and played with...

i've ruined my relationships with other people... and i ruined my name...

now... i decided to tone down a little bit... slowly until i let this shit out of my system... slowly but surely.