Leadership Apex 2006 - my realization and reflection...

this is my 3rd and last time to attend leadership training seminar, how i wish it will not be the last but xiempre, i want to graduate naman!

well, anyway, though i was not able to participate in the activity last saturday, still... some realization and reflection poof out of my head...

the goal of summit 04-my first leadership training, apex 05 and apex 06 is to produce a good leader...

but for my own view, there's a stigma attached to it, and it was for the participant to be able to suit for any position on CIHSC, HRMS or TLS,

positive? negative?

reactions i got from being a participant for the 3rd time in a leadership training are mostly... jokes that has a double meaning for me, such as "pang 3rd mo na to, kelan ka ba ggraduate?", "ang tanda mo na, nandito ka pa rin", "bakit naman pang 3rd mo na, kamusta ka naman?!?" and "hindi ka ba nahihiya? yung mga dating kasama mo, facilitator mo na!?"

what do you think? di ba ako nasasaktan? feeling down? feeling small? or loosing my confidence?

honestly... i'm eating my pride na... which is not the usual me..., ma pride ako, sensitive sa jokes and i have lot's of insecurities in life... It is somehow hard for me and must admit that medyo sampal sa mukha ko yun.

but parang i'm not affected at all? i'm affected... actually, i've scrutinzed my self already... bakit nga ba i'm still here, not moving on, stagnant? bakit napag iiwanan ako, did i learned something ba talaga?

before pa nag announce ng date of apex, i'm having a second thought of whether i'm going to participate or not, i know... somehow, my personality and leadership skill will be in a state of uncertainty, my credibility as a leader will be questioned, i know that somebody will ask me why i'm still a participant given the fact that most of my co-participants in previous trainings had a position in CIHSC, HRMS and TLS already... but on the other hand, trainings/seminars like this is what i like, i'm gonna learn something new, i'm gonna meet new people and this is my last apex, i don't want to miss it!

i have to eat my pride, this is what i want, i have to face the consequences!

on the first night, Sr. Mel is the speaker, the same speaker i met in leadersihp summit and leadership apex05, i was happy to see him again, i know his happy to see me too but i can see to his eyes that he was surprised by my presence there, though he said that being a reapeter in a seminar like that is not bad but... i know... his not expecting a 3rd time repeater... on that time, something is forming in my mind anyway he has new activities to share and some old ones with different approach.

unfortunately i wasn't able to participate in the activities happened on saturday for i need to go to school, i have class and exam in managerial accounting... we have a function in catering..., wait... i have lot's of errands to do... why and how did i still go the seminar?! what's my priority? well.. as i've said, i won't miss it!, so i decided to do all i need to do before leaving, i told m'm aure about apex, and i made a deal to her, if i and macy can't produce a speaker for our function by friday, i will not push through, then she agreed to it, fortunately... macy did found one, in managerial accounting, i decided that i will take the exam kahit di muna ako mag class, if the council will not allow me to leave the seminar, i won't go there, fortunately again, they allowed me and that's it! you tell me what did i priopritized first and did i manage my time well?

on the night of saturday, though i missed a lot, i was able to hear few parts of the speech of Sr. Lucky (speaker for that day a long with Sr. Leo) about being a leader, to cut it short being leader is not about you, its about what you can do, what's youre purpose and derailing of your goal or loosing the passion for your work means fall of your career... *Poof!* that's it! that's what i'm thingking of since friday night!

2nd yr ako when i became our class president, everyone will agree that during my term that year i did excellent job! i gained appreciations and acknowledgements. as a class president, automatically i will be a committee, but why did i engage myself voluntarily in different activties? it is because i promised to Maan that i will help and accompany her, she was then the treasurer of SC. preparing for CIH awards night04, while doing my task with Glenda, a 4th yr committee and class president as well, talked about being a committee, i asked her, why is she just committee knowing she has a potential of good leader, i mean theres nothing wrong about being a committee but if you know someone who can lead very well and will work for the benefit of their co-students, you would like him or her to lead you not instead of people in position that the priority of their work is to gain more fame and more achievements, she just replied, "i wan't to help, but i don't need to be in position to do that and
besides, i have lot's of curricular activities to do and i'm having a hard time doing it and it's my priority, if time permits me, i will help the officers. why commit your self if you're going to put your priority in uncertainty, the reason why i am sent to school is to study, to become and do the works of a student leader is a windfall" i just then replied ok. when the term of the incumbient officers is about to end, they are recruiting for the new set of offciers, running for president, Maan, she ask me if i can be in her line up, i dunno if she mean it or she'z just running out of option but i told her i want... really really want but i don't know if i can..., and i'm failed at accounting a, which running student to be an officer must not have a failed grades. she just look for another.

in 3rd yr, Maan then won as the CIHSC president, and it is my second term as our class president, again obliged to be a committee, but this time... i work not for Maan, but to our fellow students, why? because i've learned that committee is not an officer-ass-kisser, not the shadow of officers, not their servant and not just their friend, committee are the persons who are commited in serving the fellow students with the guidance of the plans of the officers and with the care of the officers. i was too attached it, i even engage my self to every activity as possible and that made me to be a head committee, i enjoyed it so well to the point that i forgot my puprpose in school, i have lots of classes that i did not attended just to do my work as a committee... obvious i failed again, this time... Managerial accounting and i dropped accounting b bago pa ako bamagsak. as a class president... i'm a looser! i neglected my responsibilities because i put first my work as a committee kesa sa work as a class president and personal disputes affected my emphaty to put prior in leading my class, i did not hesitate to loose friends in classroom for that time for i don't care about it, i spend most of the time in CIHSC office(now, i regret for some but "not to all"), i lost many things, grades, friends, recognitions, appreciations and most of all i lost drive to work productively, i created aggravation out of my self! then it came to my mind... did i enjoyed serving students so much that made me attached it? or did i enjoyed the fame. then suddenly everything Glenda told me year ago flash blacked to mysenses. i made a sudden and unexpected decision, i quit as committee. i did not get my award as a committee of the year.

the whole summer i tried to rekindle and re-compose my self, but i have summer classes, i have many things to do first. so just set it aside.

Now in my 4th yr, surprisingly i was elected as the class president for the 3rd consecutive term, and this time i'm the class president of 2 sections, obivously... i will become a committee again, but it didn't bothers me at all, i will just simply not attend the meetings. but everything i planned falls into pieces, i read this book entitled "The Kite Runner" by Khaled Hosseini, but ofcourse i will not tell the story but i will emphasize the line that gave a big impact to everyone who read it form all over the globe including moi "There is a way to be good again", Rahim Khan tells Amir. Indedeed, there is. However bad we were. Now i'm in a process of healing my self, bringning back the old me.

this is an open message for anyone who will read it;

being a leader is not about you.

it's not about what you will gain, it's not about fame,

it's not about for achievements

being a leader is about being a human,

who commits mistakes, but compensates to it

serving people with open heart

knows their priorities in life

decides for what is just and right

you don't need to be an officer to be leader,

we, ourselves are leaders in our own leagues

we don't need to do incredible things

we don't need to work drastically

we don't need to be a martyr

for me, the term "example or symbol"

doesn't fit for a leader

we're just humans, we can't be an example or a symbol

we commit mystakes though we compensates,

mystakes of the past must not repeat.

and there are no simillar person

those terms are ideaology of leader

but what we need is a realistic leader

for me the right is term is

INSPIRE

inspire people to create productful person out of themselves

inspire them to do great things

inspire them to lessen their mystakes

in inspiration we are able to accept our flaws and others,

we and other voluntarily tries to eliminate it.

in inspiration we do things happily, with acceptance

and with love.

in inspiration we are not obliged to do things were not

for the sake of the eyes of others.

in inspiration given the fact that we are imperfect,

willingly, we let our imperfection fades out.

in inspiration we became a human not a robot,

we do things willingly and not forced or systematically

in inspiration, reality bites softly

for we know that were still humans

we are aware of imperfection

in inspiration, example or symbol

is an ideolgy,

it's something hard to do, when it bites us

it causes pain and dissapointments

we push ourselves and others to do things

though it is for good,

things that are made forcely

will not last for long time

in cooking, if we forced to cook the meat by heating up the pan high

the meat will be raw inside but burned outside

but if we take time to cook it in moderation

and let it cook throuhly

it will turn out to be delectable, the meat will be even

no raw, no burned

just and even